He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
