this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
