When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
