if you like me you must not know who I am
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
