I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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