I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
