I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
