Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
