i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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