..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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