Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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