i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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