The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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