Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
