I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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