Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
