im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
