the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
