At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
