Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
