from now on my penis is your penis
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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