i jhust puked up my retainher.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
