why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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