my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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