i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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