Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
