happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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