I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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