is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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