I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
