lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize