I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize