You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
