Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I need water and some morals
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
