remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
