Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
