Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
