So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
