It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
