I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
