OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize