he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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