I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
