Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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