Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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