i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we're making bets on your personal life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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