I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
