Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
