We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
