Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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