Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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