Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize