I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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