YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
