I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
