just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
