Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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