Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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