My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
