so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
