you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
