i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
