Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
