My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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