ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
