Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
