It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize