dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
