I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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