remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
