I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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