if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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