my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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